Never have I been more accurate about my feelings as of now until I saw the blog title..Simplicity is bliss, simplicity is awesome, and how I LONG for some simplicity in my life right now! Heck, I sometimes feel like Scottie has a much better life than me..>.<"

I know, I don't post anything for ages and then all of sudden...BAM! One whining, ranting post after another...thing is, I kind of feel this is my only outlet for my rants. It's a good way to let it all out without having someone interrupting my thoughts...I can just let it all out and let it go. Some day. Ha!

I've always thought that I pick up things (relatively) fast. Learning is kind of interesting, especially when you have enough material to go on. It's something that I tell potential employers during interviews and all....only to realize that I am actually really slow and dumb; incapable of handling even the simplest kinds of system flow.

Maybe I'm just too used to the environment that I was in previously. People are very nice and helpful; they don't skimp on their knowledge sharing and there's always documentation to fall on if everybody is busy and no one is free to help you out. I guess I expected that to be the same in this new environment. Boy, did I ever get a culture shock! I think I've been here for about 2-3 weeks, and I feel like it's up over my head in learning what I need to do here. For one, people here although are quite nice don't really warm up to you...or maybe I am just freaking myself out. I always get the feeling that everybody here has violent mood swings. Then, there's the so-called 'training'....apparently I'm expected to know stuff by just playing around with the system! Great, only thing is...I don't know what the heck that it does! Sure, they do give some explanations here and there, but it's never detailed enough to help you understand...so, I try it out on the system. Playing around doesn't help because I have no idea what happened even after I pushed the buttons! And they expect me to know where the freaking files are kept/extracted, what tables and fields in the database are updated, etc etc!

Fine, I thought I'd ask for some documentation to read up on the concepts...at least that would give me some idea, no? Not only was there no proper documentation, but whatever documentation existed, they were OUTDATED. How the heck am I supposed to do any testing on the new system when I only have knowledge of the old system?! And so, I went around asking....the more I asked, the more the faces seem to change and look irritated. And when they 'explain' it's so bloody vague I got more confused....and then they say that after 'explaining so many times' I still don't know what the system does. *sigh*

Do you ever get that feeling that some things are just not that complicated, if only you had a little bit more information, or that someone could point you in the right direction? Doesn't it get friggin' frustrating when people push and shove you in different directions expecting you to feel your way out and coming through the same exit they did? I am feeling exactly that right now...and dreading each day because I have no idea what is going to be thrown at me, and if I'll be able to swim in this pool of sharks just waiting to pounce and eat me alive.

I remember talking to an ex-colleague and she said that I shouldn't worry so much about the new environment...there's the 'honeymoon period' where everybody cuts you slack and lets you learn your way through. If only she could see me now! I seriously don't know what I'm doing and if I am cut out to do this...maybe I've overestimated my abilities. Just because I'm able to handle some smaller projects, doesn't mean I can handle such a big system right? Will I hit a wall sooner or later, or will I finally get what they're trying to 'explain'? I was told by another (new) colleague that it will take me months to know what the heck is it that they're doing....but it seems like they're expecting me to know everything by the end of this month. A gross overestimation of the supervisors on my so-called 'fast learning skills', or maybe I've sold myself too strongly?? Great....I'm so dead.