Yes, it's true. I used to believe in the motto that we should "Do unto others the way we would want others to do unto us"....and boy, did I ever get screwed over! It is not just one time that my 'nice-ness' gets stomped upon. I used to brush it off and say to myself that things will be better...I'll be treated more nicely next time. But then it has gotten to the point that I myself am feeling that I'm being taken advantage of BECAUSE I'm so nice...*sigh* 

Case in point: I have two friends whom I've considered my very good friends. Let's call them L & M. Although I've not known them for very long, but they were a big part of my life, especially when I was trying to get back in shape. They really helped in motivating me and making sure that I was on the right track. I was never really part of their 'circle', but I find that I enjoyed myself every time I get together with them so I end up trying very hard to fit into their circle...it's kind of like the little lost duckling who tries to join in with another group of ducklings that he found on his way. To cut the long story short, I was ecstatic when I was finally included into that 'circle'...or so I thought I was.

Things were hitting off really well, until they figured they wanted to start a business together. I never had any interest in the nature of the business that they were venturing into (and not having the money anyways), but I helped out in what ways I can...getting contacts for contractors, helping them out at their launch party, and of course I followed them as a client too. It was still cool for a while but then I started noticing that our friendship wasn't really what I thought it was...at first it was only the little things, and I let them go. But it all culminated down until that day.

I was asked to do 2 performances with them...I wasn't very good but I figured, okay since they asked I might as well try. So we practiced for it, but I was told to 'concentrate' on only one performance when I tried to ask L about some moves for the other performance. And that was it....I was just kicked out of a performance that I was asked to do. Strike one. I figured, it's okay...I was very stiff and not able to perform like they did, so I shall do just one performance. And we practiced more....until I went to Bali for a week (and probably missed like 2 practices). I came back all hyped up to practice, only to find that they had changed the performance to fit only 2 people. No prizes for guessing who were the 2 people that were going to perform. That day I spent the whole time doing basic movements while watching them practice for the performance. Never mind the fact that they never told me about the change, but they KICKED ME OUT of the group without informing me in person. I know I'll never be as good as they are, but I would expect the courtesy of being told in person that I am not in the group anymore. I mean, come on...they asked me to do it in the first place! And yet, all they did was shove me aside and used the time slot that I paid for as a client to do their routine! Strike two. 

The best is yet to come....since I'm not 'performing' anymore, I was asked to 'help out' at the performances. One of it was at an event...long story short, I found out there was a fee to go to the event, and I kept asking M whether I need to pay to go there to help out as I was super broke at the time. No answer until the day before saying that they don't need my 'help' anymore and just asked me to help pick another instructor (let's call him J) up to a party that they will also be performing at. Let's bear in mind here that this particular party was the end of a 2-day event thingy that they all attended (& I didn't). I had to not only drive about 20 mins to J's place to pick him up, but also drive him down town to the club where the party is at...and I'm not familiar with the roads in the city. Oh well, figured I'd use handy Google Maps on my phone...

No such luck. We got lost, and ended up being late for the party (up to the point where L & M already finished their performance when we arrived). Needless to say, J was pissed while we were on the way and he stormed out of the car, out of the parking lot and into the club...where he proceeded to ignore me for the rest of the party. And me? I had to pay to get INTO the party, and stood there for a great 2 hours while everyone else had fun...chit chatting and dancing. Everyone else already knew each other from the 2-day event thingy, while I feel like a gate crasher. When the party was over, M asked me whether I'd like to join her for dinner...I agreed, and we went over to L's side to ask her. She mentioned that she wouldn't join us but talked to M to ask her to bring back the costumes as she brought it to the club previously. When M mentioned that their costumes are too heavy, L looked at me and proceeded to tell M, "you can use her to help you bring the costumes to your car..." Strike three.

The finale of the night was when I got a call from M telling me that she will be joining another group of friends for dinner and if I were to join them, I shouldn't wait for her at the meet up place that we agreed upon previously (I was already there at this point). I told her I was already there....and then she said something along the lines of "Oh...then how?" I told her then, it's okay...you guys go ahead, I'll just head home. And head home I did.

Call me overly sensitive or I read too much into things, but I thought friends wouldn't do that to each other. I guess I wasn't too much of a friend in their eyes. The thing that jolted me to my senses was when my sis told me (after I relayed this incident to her) that it is not all their fault....it was partly my fault too. I had been too nice to tell them off and allowed them to walk and trample all over me....and I realized, that is very true. Speaking with another mutual friend, she said, "yup, that sounds like them but you know...you're the nice one. Whatever shit people throw at you, you just take it in." Wow, that is a big wake up call for me, and I've started to realize that yes, I am too nice and soft-hearted. 

It has gotten to the point where I'm noticing that even things like making decisions for lunch with my colleagues get overwritten so quickly because I tolerate and just 'go with the flow' (Colleague A: Where do you want to have lunch later? Auds: Let's go to place A. Colleague A: Nah, it's not something that I want to eat...let's go to place B. Auds: *is a little pissed...why ask me when you want to go there in the first place??* Oh, okay) Heck, at some points of conversation, I remember being mocked ever so sweetly by my colleague that I don't have a backbone because I'm just following whatever the majority calls for, or I don't have the guts to stand up for myself...

So now, I have a new motto..."Do whatever you can to help others, but never expect ANYBODY to ever do the same thing for you". I don't know if I'll ever kick the habit of being too nice to people, or if I'll be able to stand up for myself anytime soon...but I know this, it's time that I take care of myself first and foremost because nobody else gives a hoot. Sounds jaded I know, but then...that's life right?