...and yet when I sit and try to write, they seem to disappear leaving me blank. LOL! Let me see if I can put them up properly.

Top of my head right now is the fact that I'm working a part-time job after working hours...LOL! Don't know why I applied for the job in the first place...guess it was the 'attractive' salary of said job. The ad reads 'up to a maximum of RM3k for 8 days worth of work'. Sounds kinda too good to be true right? It IS! Let's start from the beginning...a friend had told me about the ad on Facebook (the person advertising it is from a recruitment agency). Curiosity got the best of me, as they only wanted people with a good command of English...I PM-ed the lady and she told me that it's a 'data cleansing' job, in the sense that they would require the data cleansers to call people / companies from a list and confirm some contact information. For every info that we obtain, there will be a certain amount paid on top of a fixed hourly rate. Sounds simple enough I figured...I sent in my resume and they told me I was selected. YAYY! I was asked to start the following day (Tuesday).

At first I figured that the salary was high because of the working hours (9pm - 6am!!! Yes, I thought I could be Superwoman for 8 days...it's ONLY 8 days right? *rolls eyes*), but it wasn't as simple as that...*sigh* For one, I was told the working hours had been slashed to only 9pm - 3am. On the one hand, I get more sleep! But less money. Pfft. Two, the numbers we are supposed to call were not all available and we had to Google for them online...WTF! And their definition of getting a cleanse was to get at least 2 contact persons for each company (unless the company has only one point of contact for the department). Pfft! It's lucky that the supervisor was nice enough and said that if we had to look up the phone numbers ourselves, that phone number is considered a cleanse as well, so that helped me a little. Didn't like making phone calls, even though I had a script to assist me on getting those contacts. But it was sometimes quite fun to talk to different people in the US / Canada. Some of them are VERY nice, some are super weird, and there are some that are so hostile that they would almost scream at you just because you were looking for an email address and they refuse to give it to you. Got out of the wrong side of the bed much??!

Anyhoots, today is only my third day, and I'm starting to feel the effects...reaching home at about 4am to grab a few Zzz's till 7am; wake up, shower, grab a quick breakfast and maybe pack snacks to rush to the office and start my 9am - 5.30pm job; rush home by which time will be almost 7pm, sneak a half an hour nap before waking to shower and dress before heading for this job. Yeah, what the heck was I thinking right? Believe me, I felt cheated more than once when I saw what the real work was about....bleh. But I'd already said I would come so might as well finish what I started right? One more day to go before the weekends so I can SLEEEEEEEEP (how I miss my bed) so I'm hanging on to that thought =) *yawns* Note to self: Never believe such attractive job pulls....they're kinda bullcrap.

On my health, I haven't been able to get to the gym the past 3 days *sob* I feel kinda weird right now that I'm not doing much exercise...and to make it worse, staying up late makes me HUNGRY. *sigh* My diet is screwed. But I do try to pack some veggies and fruits whenever I can, so even if I snack I don't eat too much of junk food and what not. Ah yes, I'm keeping my own food journal now...it really helps to list down what I eat and look back at the choices I made. I used to think this was really silly, but when I actually had to do it I realized that it does have a good impact on the food choices we make! And I tried an RPM class on Monday! Super super fun, but very challenging on my legs and stamina...I have no semblance of a stamina. LOL! Give me resistance exercises and I will push through them...but those that involves stamina always kills me. Haha! Guess I will need to practise more on that. The instructor was really nice when he found out it was my first class...quite an enjoyable class =) Will hopefully be going regularly once I get this part-time job thingy out of the way. *crosses fingers*

Right...my head is really blank and blur at the moment. Must be the lack of sleep and I'm idling on my desktop here right now, waiting for my next list of people to call. Will update more when my head's clearer...*yawns*

Don't know why I had to keep blogging about my sessions at the gym. LOL! Maybe it's partly because I want to keep motivating myself, or just as a reminder that I NEED to keep the progress going. Maybe because there's always something happening that makes me want to blog about it, or maybe I'm just too free at the moment. =P

Anyhoo, it was my fifth session with Jack yesterday. Didn't really do anything interesting...we just did reps with some other machines. In between there was some cycling, jump steps on the stepboard, and sit-ups. Quite a good workout...I notice that Jack will increase the weights after each rep, which is good. Now if only I could remember how to use them by myself! LOL! It's a bit intimidating to try out the machines myself, especially when there are so many people around (mostly guys) who seem to know what they're doing...I know I'm not supposed to care what people will think, [Note: you know those movies / shows that depict the gym as a place for guys to check out hot chicks or girls to ogle at guys with their buff bodies working out? Totally NOT the case! LOL! Sure, there will be some pretty girls who don't look like they need the workouts and buff guys doing the weights every now and then but the majority of people working out are just normal people like you and me. Plus, I don't know how people can ogle at someone who had just finished working out....everyone is just sweaty and gross, myself included! I couldn't be bothered to look most of the time. Haha!] but I also don't want to risk spoiling the machines or worse, injuring myself trying to attempt it. >.<" Lucky for me there is a ladies workout area for the ladies only...I don't really see many people there. Maybe I could go there and play around with the machines there instead of looking like an idiot at the general area trying to use the machines and people are standing around waiting their turn...but, I digressed.

After the workout, Jack reviewed my food logs and was quite happy with my mealtimes and food that I had yesterday. (yayy!) What I did was basically make my own breakfast (just some scrambled eggs with wholemeal toast and half a kiwi), and then eat healthier in the main meals (more proteins, less carbs, include some veggies and fruits in too), and snacking on light food (read: oat biscuits, fruits or veggies) between those meals. The past two weeks, I've been trying to follow this routine and eating at least 4-5 meals a day...seems to be working. I'm not eating as much, coz I know I will have something to eat in a few more hours. He advised for me to follow those mealtimes as closely as possible...and I'm hoping I could. At the moment, I'm motivated enough to wake up earlier than usual to prepare my breakfast and snacks for when I'm in the office...fingers crossed that I'll keep this streak up!

It felt good to know that at least I'm getting some things right when some others are still kinda wrong...=) Of course, being the curious cat, I asked Jack what did he think about my progress. Am I slacking? Do I try enough? And he said that I could see how much progress I've made by going on the physical assessment machine again. I did, and the first thing I noticed was my weight. I had gained 2kg in 2 weeks...WTF! But then Jack said, it's okay...the weight gain was because of the muscle mass that I had increased. According to the machine, I had increased my muscle mass by about 2+ kg. YAYY! My fat percentage has also gone down 2.3%, which according to Jack, is about 2kg of fat lost. Double YAYY! All this in the span of 5 sessions (I had been a little slack and only coming to the gym for the sessions...except for one day which I blogged about previously), so it's really satisfying. Jack also said that as I go further, when the fat mass goes lower and muscle mass increases, the weight will eventually go down so all's good I guess. My BMI is still at a normal range (though bordering on the edge already >.<") but I'm optimistic I guess. I don't really know if I should trust the machine thingy 100% but in time I will know I guess...previously, the only measure I had for myself was the way my clothes fit better / started to get loose. At least I know the amount of money spent of personal training is not gone to waste =) Now, to put more effort and to get my butt in the gym in between PT sessions!

Whew, I seem to be on a roll here...*grins* Now to get back on the saddle with my other blogs too and it would be super awesome! =) 

Anyways, I had been logging down every meal that I take in for the past week for my personal trainer...I guess - in a way - writing down every thing that I've eaten kind of puts my mind into a mode where I start thinking about the food choices I've made. Subconsciously, I've been eating healthier (less oily and fatty foods, though I've succumbed to a meal of a McD's GCB; more fruits and veggies). Could it be because I want to put my best foot forward (so to speak) so that it wouldn't look too bad when I show the food log to Jack? Maybe, but I find that I'm actually enjoying the foods that I've eaten so far...so much so that when I had that McD meal the other day, the fries tasted a little plasticky to me instead of the yummy fries that I loved. o.O" Today, I was actually looking at the calorie count on the back label of the soya bean drink that I was having (230 kcal per bottle of 300 ml) and I still remember thinking, "Gosh...that is about half an hour of running / walking on the treadmill!"  

Which brings me to my next thought...have I become obsessed with all this until it has become (somewhat) extreme? When I first started out with the classes back in September last year, my initial goal was just to try and get healthy and hopefully lose some weight. Throughout that process, I did notice that my mindset have changed. I make a conscious effort to try and eat less and healthier, but I've not really limited myself to only healthy foods. I still do indulge in treats (some I baked myself) and have not really put much thought into it. It was the thinking of 'Balance Over Time' for me: if I have eaten something that's not so healthy, I'll eat healthier in the next meal and push harder in the classes that I go to. And that has worked for me...the weight has been coming off; slow but I'm satisfied with the pace.

Now, it seems like I'm counting the calories not unlike the contestants in "The Biggest Loser" shows...every time I eat something, I'm thinking of whether it will be enough proteins, too much carbs, too much fats, too much sugar, blah blah blah. And then I had to stop myself and go, "Stop obsessing!!" I don't want to be that person who can't enjoy food whenever they want to just because it's too fatty...and yet, I also want to try and reach my long term goal as soon as possible. LOL! Kind of an oxymoron, I know...but that's me I guess. 

Recently, a colleague of mine mentioned that she has signed up for a slimming course with a beauty centre...she spent a huge amount of money on it, and I remember thinking that I don't really believe in those kind of things. To me, those slimming centres are the equivalent to those extreme dieting and 'treatments' that doesn't work. Believe me when I say I've tried all kinds of diets...I've been on the no-carbs diet, and my biggest 'success' for that phase was following the 3 Day Diet, of which I lost 3kgs after the diet was over. But then I gained back the weight (and then some) a few days after...why? Because I was so deprived from the foods that I liked (even for only 3 days), I find myself craving those foods even more. Of course, it didn't help that my family members were eating those very foods in front of me when I was on the diet. But then, it was myself too that I can't stop thinking "OMG...when I'm done with this diet, I will be able to eat normal food again!" and when the diet was over I went overboard. >.<" But I digress...

Anyways, she's been going for the treatments for about a week so far...and she told me she lost about 2kg already. While I'm happy for her weight loss, I'm also a little concerned that she might be going to be like me when I was on the 3 Day Diet thing. For one, her diet has been drastically slashed into not even half of what I'm eating (!!)...her beautician has been getting her to drink lemon water every morning, she is only allowed to have rice every alternate day, foods have to be as oil-less as possible, and even fruits have to be restricted to certain kinds because apparently some fruits are 'fattening'. O.O" Case in point: she felt like having durian the other day, but she only had one measly bite from a seed because according to her beautician, one seed of durian equals to one bowl of rice, hence one whole kg of weight when you partake of it. When I heard that, I remember telling her that it's all bullshit....where in the world do they get all these 'facts'??!! And the worse thing is, they're feeding these crap to the girls out there who trusted them to help them look good! 

I'm no expert in nutrition, but I do have experience with nutritionists since I follow my Mom on her appointments with them for her diabetes. That, and what I've read and studied so far being in the Science field has enlightened me a little bit on nutrition. Needless to say, I'm absolutely gobsmacked that she's been following that advice to the T, but then I've also kept telling her that when it comes to food, moderation is the key because if we're too deprived of the foods that we're so used to, we will eventually be so depressed that we can't eat those anymore. That spirals into a craving that will get worse until we finally succumb and go overboard, throwing all the efforts we have put into previously to waste...guess I need to follow my own advice too. LOL!

Writing all these down brings me to this realization - while we all have our own methods in trying to look good and becoming healthy, it is also important (for me at least) to stop every now and then, sit back and evaluate whether what we're doing puts us on the right track or are we leading ourselves down a winding and confusing road. As that song lyric goes,"...but if you can't look inside you, find out who am I to, be in the position to make me feel so damn unpretty" 

I wish my colleague all the best in her course...perhaps she'll be even slimmer than me in no time, but for me exercise and a healthier choice of foods have been the things that work so far. I'm reaping the rewards right now, but I have a long way to go still...here's to hoping that I stay on this course and recognize the signs that I'm starting to obsess so that I won't spiral down into that phase! *crosses fingers*

So, it was my third session with my personal trainer, Jack...I had arrived earlier and did about 30 mins of cardio on the treadmill (This time around, I got 'smart' and brought my earphones along...heh! With the earphones plugged in, I find myself being able to distract myself from looking too frequently at the timer while I ran / walked, bringing my total calories burned to almost 250 and I walked / ran for about 4+ km! YAYY!). Feeling gung ho, I went eagerly to the session thinking that maybe we'd do more of the machines but Jack said he wants to do some kickboxing. Woohoo! Caught me by surprise, but it's a good one =) Been curious as to how they train kickboxing and since Jack has been training Muay Thai for more than 10 years(!!!) I was all set!

He first wrapped my hands with boxing handwraps...I felt like those competition fighters where I had an assistant doing it for me. LOLL! Quite interesting too to see how it's done...Jack mentioned that there are so many different ways for wrapping the hands, i.e for competitions they don't use such long wraps, etc. Then, he proceeded to help me with the gloves and I'm ready to kick butt. LOL! 

I was then taught the basic stance (whenever we're not punching or kicking, the stance is important to protect your face from being hit), and then it was the basic punches (jab, cross, hook, upper cut) and basic kicks (front push, front kick). It felt a little awkward at first trying out the punches, as the gloves felt bulky and I'm not used to punching coz capoeira doesn't do much punching. LOL! But after a few tries and encouragement from Jack, I managed to do it =) Don't think I got all the postures right, but Jack said he will work on them with me more the next time.

From then on, we did  some basic combos with the punches and kicks and I have to admit, it was super fun and a stress reliever too. Basically, I don't really get to think too much as I was concentrating on getting the combos & postures right, hitting the focus mat / sandbag at the right areas, and trying to do it with some speed. Then when I got those out of the way, it was fun to pretend that I'm punching those blues away! I probably looked like an idiot trying to punch my trainer, but bleh...I've learnt that being shy in training sessions makes you lose out on actually learning the techniques so I just went for it. And boy, was it satisfying when the session was over! I think I was a little high on the endorphin released after the workout (LOL!) that I went back on the treadmill to do another 15 mins of cardio...played around with the machine's functions and found one that is set for you to do walking or running in different settings! This one had a gradient thingy, which basically means the machine slopes up according to how many percentage that you set it and simulates walking up a hill I guess. Quite a cool thing too...but I didn't want to stress it too much, so I went on a beginner's setting. Managed to burn another 100 calories and a distance of about 1.1 km. =) 

After that, I finally felt pooped...LOL! Went to take a hot shower and it was such a nice feeling, but I only felt the full effects of the workout when I reached home...thank goodness! My legs felt wobbly but I find that I like it...heh! My sis always tells me that I enjoy 'torture'..LOL! Maybe I am...but only for workouts, nothing else. LOL! Anyways, that was a thoroughly enjoyable session...I might just ask Jack if we could do that more often. It's a great variety to just doing machines or group classes; plus, I get to kick butt (in a way) *grins*

'Twas the first time that I went to the gym without any sessions planned with my personal trainer. Felt a bit lost as I went in there without any purpose (so to speak). I thought of checking out some group classes, so I headed up to the studio area to check the schedules...I had a schedule given to me when I signed up, so I thought I'd join an RPM class (it said the class was supposed to start at 7.30pm), but to my dismay they changed the schedule and the earliest RPM class was at 8.30pm. o.O" Of course I didn't want to wait that long, so I went to the other studios....sad to see that they were already in session. Bleh.

Nevermind, I figured...there's always the machines to do cardio and I remembered some of the machines that Jack showed me during our first session. So, all gung ho I headed to a treadmill and started a 30-min walk / running session. Started out with a 5.5 km/h walk for a few minutes and then alternating that with a 10.0 km/h run. Gosh, I thought that I would have better stamina since I've been doing capoeira and all, but to keep a pace like that for 30 mins almost killed me. I first started out doing maybe a minute or two of the walk speed followed by about 2 mins of running....towards the end I think I ended up on the walking speed for maybe 3-4 mins and running only 2 mins. &gt;.&lt;" When the 30 mins was up, it felt great but I wish I could have done more....practice I guess. The total calories I burned (according to the machine) was a measly 200 calories (EEP!), but I walked / ran a distance of about 3.5km...yayy! 

Next, I headed to do a bit of rowing on the machines....that was fun too. Did about 10 mins of it, and my arms felt slightly sore after (a good sign). I wanted to continue with some hamstring exercises but the floor was getting quite full and there weren't that many of those machines to go around. The other machines I didn't know how to use yet, so bleh...thought of calling it a day. 40 mins of cardio seems ok for a first time. I went to see the class schedule again to see if I could join a class tomorrow or something. To my delight, they have a class starting in 10 mins! "Bodybalance", it read....cool. I stepped in and saw the instructor setting up.

She asked me to grab two yoga mats and set it as per how she did it on the stage, and we were to do the class without our shoes. I thought, nice! I remember hearing that this class is about stretching and it incorporates Tai Chi, Yoga and Pilates...would be nice to get some stretching done on this tired body of mine. As a few more ladies entered the class (some more elderly), I thought it would be a nice and relaxing class since even the 'older ladies' can do it....how wrong was I!

The first 10-15 mins were exercises on warming up and I was having difficulty in following...slow as they may be, those yoga poses are not easy to replicate (at least for me!). LOL! But I learnt to sort of let go and just try my best to follow and wow, it was a great workout =) Those poses, although difficult, really do stretch your limbs and your spine. At some points it got a bit too intense for me as my muscles couldn't take it any more...LOLL! I just laid down for a few seconds and waited for the next move. And I think I sweated more than I did during cardio on the treadmill....amazing! As we moved to the end of the class, we laid on the mats and quieted ourselves as soothing meditation and relaxation music filled the room....it was such a relief and I can totally feel relaxed and refreshed as we let ourselves go with the music. Super super cool =) 

All in all, a totally nice workout day...been feeling quite weird and unwell the past week, so to release all that energy out is really refreshing. I'm hankering to go and join the other classes. They all seem fun =) Sure, it probably wouldn't be as fun as my old classes (I think I'm missing them now) but it's something different and I'm feeling back the good pain...so for now, that will suffice. Crossing my fingers that this motivation will stick at least for a while...I need this =)